Inescapable suffering.

Past couple days were the saaaaaaaaame daily grind. I'm OFFICIALLY done with school considering I completed all of my finals and AP tests, so senioritis is really starting to kick in. I feel like going to school is a waste of time because I just wake up in the morning to be present so the school can get money or something. Supposedly, if we're absent, the school doesn't get money. I don't know. Being absent and money are parallel somewhere. But anyway, nothing new. Ever.

I just got back from Senior Awards Night. I sat there for 3 agonizing hours to get my 5 seconds of fame. -_- I was hella irritated this entire day, ugh. I was hella craving a sandwich from Little Lucca's and when we got there afterschool, they were closed. David Archuleta fuckin lost American Idol. And most of all, the one person who told me he would always be here for me "no matter what" contradicted himself numerous times within the past month.





So moving on to an entirely different part of my life...

I am very family orientated. And I believe that when it comes down to who you can trust and depend on, family is always suppose to be by your side. I cannot stress to anyone enough how much I hate crying to sleep for stupid reasons. It's ironic too, because there have been so many tragedies that I've had to face and come across too soon in my life to take anything for granted. I hate when people in my family constatnly bicker at one another when the argument shouldn't have even began in the first place. And because of all of that, who suffers? Who had to listen to her parents argue in the car over something that could never be fixed at the moment because we were already in the process of completing it? Who had to stay in her room by herself, crying in her bed and burying her face in the pillow, hoping she could silence out the yelling and screaming of her parents outside the hallway of her room? Who had to wonder, many nights, where her mom or dad went after an argument, and then worry if they were okay? What about when stuff was thrown around the house, and she wondered if something broke, or if someone got hurt, but was too scared to check outside? Better question: We know who's fighting, but who are the ones that suffer? It hella hurts me inside when my parents argue the way they did last night. And to feel so helpless..that was the worst feeling in the world. I had to listen to my brother actually yell at my parents to tell them to stop fighting, and I heard my dad scream back at him to move so he could leave the house. But I was too scared to go outside and check if everything was okay, so I did the total opposite of what I should have done. I locked my door, went to bed, and cried.

Omg fuck this. I'm going to sleep. I can't even talk about it.